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Late to the Party [02 Jul 2008|10:38am]
I feel like I'm always late coming into things, and in this case, 20 years too late, but I picked up Interview With the Vampire last night and enjoyed the first half quite a lot. Keep in mind, I'm coming off of reading Twilight, so just about anything would seem fantastic in comparison, but I have to say I really like the style of writing, and it's easy reading without feeling moronic. Anne Rice makes some thought provoking points, too.

I'm a little torn about reading the last half; it feels to me like one of those books whose first half is a lot more interesting than its second half. Maybe I'll read it if I get around to it.

Regardless, it's driven me to continue writing, as I've been stalled for some weeks, overwhelmed with the largeness and complexity of Fromage. I have to admit some aspects of Lestat's and Louis' relationship reminded me strongly of Fangline and Zedwig.
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11,000 feet [27 Jun 2008|07:50pm]


We drove up most of the way, but then got stuck as there was a glacier-sized snowdrift blocking the road. I looked up to see some rocks and something at the top of the mountain.

"Hey Mom! Climb to the top with me!"

She grabbed her camera and we climbed up the slope, and as usual with Utah mountains, it was further than it looked. Esther wasn't light, I tell you. Anyway, we reached the top for a 360 degree panoramic view of the Great Salt Lake, Salt Lake City through Ogden, that mysterious observatory, and the other side for Morgan and Mountain Green. We could even see snow capping the Uintas far off on the horizon.

There was some kind of weird monument at the top. Three skis latched onto an iron frame. Dunno what that was all about. Also, the US Geological Society stuck a few very small circular plaques into the rock, about the size of a coaster. They were dated 1950. No idea what that was about either.


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[26 Jun 2008|07:45pm]
I ate cookie dough for dinner.
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I have an art journal [23 Jun 2008|08:02am]


We're not supposed to take pictures in church, but I wondered as I was doing this if we weren't supposed to draw it either. Isn't that the same thing? In a way, doesn't drawing what you really see even MORE accurate than taking a picture? Is the rule just because taking pictures is irreverent, or distracting? How irreverent is drawing while you're in church?

I actually find myself more focused on what is going on if I'm drawing while I'm listening.

Under the cut is some art journal rumination on Lint characters: )
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If You're So Great, Why Aren't You Rich? [16 Jun 2008|03:11pm]
From "The Creative License" by Danny Gregory:

"These are dark times for the nexus of art and commerce. Every industry that tries to make a buck from others' creativity is moribund or in flames.

The music business is more intent on suing children for downloading MP3s than trying to incorporate innovations in technology. The publishing business focuses a disproportionate amount of energy on the works of two dozen best-selling but generally second-rate authors. The movie business barely scraped a top ten list together last year. Network television bemoans the final act of geriatric shows like Friends, unable to generate anything new that mass audiences will flock to. Instead of intelligent, adult programming, they program sleaze. Fashion's top designers have become factories or else left the business. Advertising is unable to come up with any strategy to combat Tivo.

Over the past decade, conglomerates have engulfed each of these industries. Huge businesses demand regular, increasing profits to feed wall street and are loath to bet on anything but a "surefire hit" with "mass appeal." They slather on bureaucracy and centralize decisions to minimize risk and surprise. They don't recognize that risk and surprise are the food and drink of creativity.

And yet, despite this Armageddon, we are in the middle of an enormous renaissance of creativity. Look around you. People are taking digital pictures. They're recording their own songs. They're shooting, editing, scoring movies. They're scanning artwork. They're writing essays. They're sharing stories and recipes and patterns and ideas. They're supporting each other, inspiring each other, feeding and cheering and promoting each other.

They only "problem"? Oh no, no one's making money off all these blogs and personal websites and 'zines and chats. So they can't be real. They can't count. If they were any good, they'd turn a profit, right?

Just like cave painters had three picture deals. Just like Shakespeare had licensing partners. Just like Mozart was a millionaire, Van Gogh had his own MTV pilot - For most of human history, creative people made creative things because they had to. Now, perhaps, we're getting back to an understanding of how essential and human that is."


----

Preach on, brother.
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Elusive Xylic [07 Jun 2008|11:03am]
Last night I had a dream that I was Bactine and, after thinking about what Al'bert told me about Xylic, had arranged an outing with Xylic, fairly similar to the things we'd always done, where we would go into some kind of swampy forest and explore it. In there, I was going to find out the truth of it, and although somewhere inside of me I kind of knew that it would lead to some kind of large development between us, I didn't really allow myself to dwell on it.

Well, I spent the whole dream trying to find the right pair of shoes to wear for the occasion, and Xylic went off to do whatever it is Xylic does by himself, being generally Xylic-ish and non-aggressive, but it was an exercise in patience because I had to wait on him for like an hour, and he was entirely clueless that this was going to be anything other than the usual routine.

It kind of gave me perspective as to why Bactine has never until now known Xylic felt anything more than loyal friendship for her, because although he has always been quite deeply in love with her, he is extraordinarily passive in that regard. Sangwine, on the other hand, is a very passionate individual, and once he began to have feelings for her he couldn't resist acting on them. Poor Xylic has far too much stringent self-control for his own good.
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Togetherness [02 Jun 2008|09:30am]
So I'm talking to one of my friends yesterday on the phone (or was it the other day?...) and she says to me, "Of all the women I know, you are the one who has it the most together."

I laughed my head off.

Wow, facades are really effective, aren't they?
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Determining the Price of Sleep [27 May 2008|11:23am]
[ mood | tired ]

Last night I stayed up until 3:30 am or so reading the book Twilight in a straight shot, which was a mixed bag. I was especially interested in reading it, though, after reading the bio of the author and why she wrote the book.

Well, I did find it lacked a lot of depth and also shape, but I think I need to learn to enjoy standard literary fare like I learned to enjoy the best of every genre of music, not just classical. It's hard, though. Really hard.

I was thinking today, as I am extraordinarily groggy, that if I'm going to stay up until 3:30 in the morning, I would rather be up that late writing my own books than reading pop lit.

I've been trying to figure out if its self-absorption or some kind of vanity that causes me to rarely be able to enjoy anything that isn't classic literature unless I write it myself. As I read books, I often get irritated, thinking I would have done it differently and perhaps better. I get irritated if it doesn't mean something, and if it doesn't make me think. If it isn't well-crafted. If its as full of holes as moth-eaten old cotton.

Then again, I don't really have that high of an opinion of the quality of what I write myself. I just really like it. Maybe that's the difference? I don't know.

But, in its own convoluted way, Twilight made me think, and think hard. It got my brain's motor running in overdrive, and I woke up (after 3 hours of sleep) and talked Ron's ear off about it all morning. Why? It was written by someone kind of like me... and I'm pretty sure I could do better.

Could I? In some ways. I guess every writer has her strengths and weaknesses. But to write in a method easily consumable by a wide audience? While I think it's possible I could do that, I don't think I ever will because I'm extremely stubborn over my creativity's precious elbow room. But why do I write?

I suppose I write for myself, and because I love it. Somehow, somewhere, I innately need it, too. Why that is I haven't discovered, yet. A few times throughout Charles Dickens' works he really gets into the interestingness of the individual; how each person is a whole labrynth of discoveries to be made, a universe, and a mystery. I can tell every time I find that (usually briefly mentioned, a paragraph or two) in one of his books that he was really captured by that concept. Well, I am too, and a lot of writers probably are as well. That's the foremost thing that keeps me going; exploring the nuances of the individual.

I have no conclusions, just a lot of jumbles.

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Following the Crowd [17 May 2008|08:46pm]
Yes, I've done the "Draw yourself as a teenager v/s now" meme! I wonder if this has been done to death? I WONDER.

I did it because, well, I was a very bizarre teenager. My 16th year was filled with brooding, beating on the piano, and blasting Beethoven on the stereo. And occasionally torturing unfortunate boys who got in my way. I was a very mean girl for a time.


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Garrgggghhh? [12 May 2008|01:21pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Un Giorno Per Noi - Josh Groban ]

I am suffering from an intense level of frustration today, and I need to figure out how to fix it.

Frustration is coming from: My house still isn't clean enough, and I can't seem to find the time to make it as clean as I want it. I think I got kind of spoiled before I had Esther; I was fairly meticulous during that time. I even cleaned my bathroom and did a load of laundry while I was in labor, just because I couldn't bring myself to leave it and go to the hospital. Now that I have a baby (14 months, actually, wow??) around again, it's really hard to keep up with things, like it used to be when the other three were that little. But I want my house as clean as it was before she was born, and it frustrates me to no end.

I want more time to spend painting and writing. This is a constant source of frustration for me. I could, of course, completely remove this facet of my life and eliminate this frustration, but the idea of cutting it out feels like I'd be cutting off a hand. I'd bleed and bleed and bleed and probably cry a lot.

Now that I've made the decision to send my kids back to school in the fall, I am impatient for it. They love homeschooling so much, which I guess is a good thing since they like being around me, but gah... I want them out. Is that bad? Probably. Still, I want some semblance of normalcy in my life again, and I've lost my zest for it. Part of me loves it and could love it, but I seem to have turned that emotion off for now. At least until I get my house in order and find more time to write and paint. At first sight this seems selfish, and I wonder if it is. I wonder if I'm just selfish, and if my kids will grow up and say, "Mom was always writing and painting and it drove us crazy."

But I'm not always. In fact, I rarely do it during the day, and my "allotted" time for my things is after Esther goes to bed. I only get a few hours, and I get really frustrated when other things take up that time.

... Like they did last night. Hmmmm!

I made the mistake of logging into AIM and ended up spending most of the evening chatting with a friend instead of what I REALLY wanted to do, which was fill out the lineart on this super cool next page of Fang and Zedwig. Why did I do that? See, I knew if I just wrote it out I'd figure out what I did wrong. I can sense the lingering frustration still, because I wasted my precious evening time on something useless. Of course, hopefully that friend won't read this and cry. No, friend, you're not USELESS! Still, I've gotta stay off of IMs. They're the devil, I say, the devil incarnate.

So then, after talking for like two hours on IMs about nothing important whatsoever, I spent maybe twenty minutes on said comic page then went in and watched Doctor Who with Ron. I didn't get to sleep until after midnight, I didn't spend the time doing what I really really wanted to do, and then woke up this morning tired and extremely frustrated.

Voila. I am my own destruction.

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Big Crowds and Lots of Faces [01 May 2008|08:59pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

"Hey Colby, look how many people are knitting," whispered Michael, looking a lot like Sangwine as he indicated the people out in the audience. It was pretty big, for an audience. Alright, it was an arena full, but like I'd told Becka, they're all moms. Nice, sweet moms. And grandmas. With many, many eyes.

He was right; people were knitting. I wondered for a moment if that was one of those weird Mormon sub-culture things I'd never picked up on, but then realized those women were knitting blankets to give to needy babies. Sweet.

My hands were still shaking, and my entire body was trying to shake although I was forcing it to stay still so I wouldn't betray my lingering nerves to Michael beside me. I noticed the speaker was nervous, too, as she tripped vocally over the teleprompter in front of her. I was close enough to observe Sister Beck well, and even though she only sat and observed, I was struck by her forcefulness and beauty and I knew the time had come for a new breed of woman. Everyone involved in the program seemed to teem with nerves; driven onward by thousands and thousands of women watching them and knitting. Clicking needles and intermittent coughs.

Fifteen minutes earlier I had forced my hands not to shake and pushed it into my feet. My feet shook, but my hands thankfully did not as I sensed a man near me with a camera, recording and broadcasting every move. I knew it would happen; it doesn't always, but during the sound check he'd come up beside me and tested shots, and so then I knew. I knew I couldn't let my fingers shake. I didn't want anyone to know I was scared. Was that pride? Probably. Still, I was granted that concession. He came beside me with the camera and I had the strange sensation of a backwards magnet; I wanted to recoil from it, but couldn't, so instead I played, and he threw up the vision of my hands dancing, the length of the piano, and Michael singing in the crook of it onto the massive screens at the top of the arena.

Later, Becka said her bow arm was shaking, but I couldn't hear it because her violin sounded beautiful. Beforehand, we were in the bathroom, talking about makeup as if we weren't going on in five minutes and as if we weren't nervous. I think I was in denial for the entirety of the time leading up to the performance, but then as I began the first song, the thought occurred to me that perhaps, through some strange stroke of angle, the people sitting across from me could perhaps see up my skirt underneath the piano, which was actually scientifically impossible without the use of mirrors but it was all I could think about for most of the entire first number and I realized later made it miraculous I didn't miss all of the notes.

I can think very deeply about one other subject while playing the piano, in fact I do almost all the time. I can not, however, think deeply about two subjects and play the piano at the same time.

I don't particularly like amplification or being recorded, but I've grown more used to it in the last year, and probably should make myself get very comfortable with it.

I would give today's performance a 9 out of 10.

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

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Rather Large Performances [28 Apr 2008|09:26am]
[ mood | over-humidified ]

In a few days I'm going to be performing during the BYU Women's Conference Thursday afternoon session at the Marriot Center, which means somewhere between 18,000 to 19,000 people. Right, well, firstly, if any of you BYU-ites are going to be there, say hi.

So I didn't think this would make me all that nervous, since I've performed like the Dickens for years, but definitely never for such a large crowd. My philosophy is this: regardless of the size of the crowd, I'm still playing for individuals. So one should be the same as twenty thousand, right? So I thought. I thought I was cool.

Then I started having nightmares.

I get there and they inform me I'm playing a solo piece I wasn't aware of, and I have fifteen minutes to whip it into performance shape. I get there with five minutes to spare, then realize I'm wearing my pajamas. I try to go buy something quickly but everything looks like something Tracy from Growing Pains would have worn. I'm twenty minutes late and they're calling me wondering where I am. I'm late and I can't get there on time. I spend so much time preparing I don't have time to fix my hair and show up in a bathrobe.

Ahhhhhhhhh!!!

But, to my relief, when I sit down to practice the music really seems to speak to me, and I forget my anxieties. All that other stuff seems to melt away, and I don't care, and I guess all that matters to me when I'm playing is "saying" something that has meaning. It's good music.

I still have another day until flying home, and then will be diving right into rehearsals again as soon as I hit my front doorstep. That might sound hectic to some people, but I do love it.

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Script Writing [19 Apr 2008|04:51pm]
So I always spend vacations doing this incessant introspection.

The other night I looked over at Ron and told him I'm in a stupor over the script for Chapter 13. He says, with wan enthusiasm, stupor? Well, it seems I'm confused over it. It's hard to describe. Before, when I've written scripts, I've written it and then gone with it, adjusting things as I go. With this one, I couldn't even start to draw the first page because I just kept feeling like the opening scene just wasn't right. I've drawn the title page three different times, of three different subjects. I still don't know which one I'll go with. I've written the script through, then changed the first scene. I drew the first page of the first scene last night and still feel ennnh about it.

I've hardly written anything at all in the novel because I'm stuck in this stupor which is boggling me to pieces. Well, I take that back; I have written one chapter. Still, I generally write a chapter a day or so, on good weeks.

Well, I do feel somewhat like a neutered dog without my photoshop and tablet. Bottom line, I'm not producing. Generally I produce art in mass quantities as a shiny veneer to block out all of my stress and anxieties. All I'm doing now is working out all of the pent up stressors in my life. Oh... right. That's a good thing. But I feel so unproductive!

Going dancing in an hour with Ron.
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Why Vacations Are Good Things [19 Apr 2008|07:41am]
I've been doing a lot of introspection, because it seems like I've been in a crisis lately. For the past weeks I've felt stretched, caged, and like I'm going to break in half at any moment, not really sure why.

Well, I think that, even though homeschooling is great for the kids, and great for their educations and ultimately ideal, that I'm not made of the stuff required to manage it. Or maybe I could do one at a time, but not all four at once. I don't really know yet, but I've been sorting it out lately. I have two issues.

One, I'm slowly drowning in the miasma of homeschool. I love it. My kids love it. They have benefited tremendously from it. But I'm going crazy. I was talking to my sister in law about it and realized that not only does it have me on the point of snapping just about 24/7, but its really affected my marriage to Ron. I'd say our relationship is the worst its been in a while, and for no other reason than I'm stretched beyond my limits. When I realized homeschool was causing it, I suddenly was ready to tear it to shreds, as, for anyone who has read this journal for a while, I'll do to anything that endangers my relationship with Ron. He's just always comes first. My kids have to deal.

Two, I'm going nuts with my house never being clean and organized due to my kids being homeschooled. I can not stand a disorganized house, and it's freaking me out. I guess it seems sort of superficial, but it makes me want to scream. I just plain can't deal with it!

So, the bottom line is... I just don't think I can do it. I've been thinking that I can supplement my kids education with what I've learned this year, which is quite a lot, and also they're better off anyway because they've jumped ahead in everything, especially Daphne. I'm wondering if I can apply some of the techniques I've used so far outside of school for them. Overall, I think no matter what happens, we're all better off for the experience.

Never until I came out here for vacation did I even consider the idea of not homeschooling because I know it's better for my kids. What I didn't consider though, is that if I go insane doing it it won't matter.
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Bizarro World [31 Mar 2008|07:46am]
So my kids get one day each week (Fridays) when they get to play video games all they want after school and chores. We call this "game day". Game day is pretty coveted.

I've noticed, though, since we've done homeschooling they've had less and less interest in playing video games, or watching TV. Well, the poor things, we got rid of our TV service, so they watch a movie once in a while.

Friday night I finished my comic, and it was close to midnight. I naturally expected the kids to be long in bed, but I went out in the living room and two of my daughters were engrossed in books. In fact, they'd spent their entire game day reading books. I was, well, agape.

My 7-year old daughter, who wouldn't touch a book for longer than three seconds when she was in public school, read three chapter books that day.

I find it kind of mind-boggling.

So anyway, my oldest son is a pre-teen. He's reached that age when kids start getting lazy. He procrastinates things, and kind of tries to get out of work. It's not really alarming, because I remember going through the same stage myself. However, I'm starting to think I need to educate him differently. I need to inspire him to learn, and find what it is that will capture his interest.

Last night we were doing the dishes and I asked him to list for me the subjects that most interested him.

He's really into art right now, and has been checking out how-to-draw books from the library left and right. When he's not made to do math or english work, he's usually drawing, using those books as reference.

He also said he's really into dinosaurs, which he's been into for at least ten years. I'm thinking, "Dinosaurs?? UGH." I guess I'm not a fan of dinosaurs. They're okay. They're just all dead and whatever. But I guess I should embrace his interests, no matter what they are. Big sigh.

Ron's started writing a Lint fanfic, which is a lot of fun to read. I'm just glad he's writing. He's doing it of the characters when they started out at the very beginning. He's kind of filling in the cracks in between comics back at the start.

I wish I had more time to write.
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Music Theory [24 Mar 2008|09:50pm]
[ music | Wilhelm Kempff - Beethoven Moonlight Sonata Mvt. 3 ]

It took me many years to realize that music is not an exact science.

I used to think that those who successfully performed music practiced until they got every note perfectly right. That's because people who know how to perform know how to miss half a thousand notes and sweep it under the rug, and that in turn is because there is no "exact" in music.

Missing or wrong notes.

When I watch pianists play, these days I generally have come to know the music well enough to pick out all of the missed notes. It's been somewhat of an epiphany for me to watch videos of masters of the piano, and observe all the missed notes. I don't really try to catch missed notes, I just notice because I just do.

I never perform anything and fail to miss a note. Never. That's a nugget they never taught me in college. Maybe if they had, I wouldn't have burst a blood vessel half the time trying to get all the right ones.

I emphasize that my students learn the notes. I always learn a piece by being absolutely certain what all the notes are, first, but during a performance, note accuracy takes a lesser role behind musicality.

Tempo and metronomes.

Tempo is important but not important. If playing like metronomes was desirable, we'd simply program our entire piano literature lexicon into a computer and let synthesizers play for us. At certain times, I encourage my students to play with a metronome, especially in early baroque or baroque pieces, or if they're struggling with note values, and always during technic exercises like Hanon. However, the masters vary in tempo broadly in their performances. The trick is the listener doesn't notice.

In my opinion, tempo also takes a lesser role behind musicality, and beside accuracy.

Musicality.

This concept is everything. I give my students incredibly vague and abstract concepts to digest, and usually they just stare at me blankly, but I can't really help it; if I know it, I want to pass it on. From the beginning, I tell them a note is a word; a phrase is a sentence; a song is a statement. What are you trying to say? How can you say it to the audience? I tell them music is like the ocean, that it is like painting, or like (a recently baffling analogy) turning a doorknob. I use a lot of metaphors because I can't seem to explain anything in plain words anymore.

I've alluded before that I believe that music is a higher, greater language with more hues and values and subtleties than any spoken word alone. With music you can fill the room with the abstract; with concepts no one can put into words, but everyone feels.

I can see this, now, in any great performer. Above accuracy, technique, tempo, and everything, is the statement. The reaching out across the strings of the instrument and speaking directly to the soul of whoever might be there. I play best when I concentrate on becoming a window to the statement, or rather in being transparent and a non-entity and letting the music be the only thing that exists at that particular time. I try to tell my students this. They struggle, and worry, and fear they'll look bad if they miss a note.

Music is like any power in the world. It can be used two ways: to give and to take. If you take, you're in it for your own glory. This is always followed by the fear of humiliation, which self-preservation in turn dims a performer's ability to perform. Turn the focus around, however, entirely on to heightening the experience of those listening to the music, and everything changes. It becomes not a matter of impressing anyone; it becomes a matter of creating atmosphere, giving, creation. I tell my students that separates the people who play the piano from the people who play the piano.

Another thing I'm constantly beating my students over is apologizing to the piano. Maybe you've heard it; a person sitting at the piano begins to play, and they play so blandly and quietly it seems like they're hardly pushing down the keys. It makes no impression. It's just somebody playing the piano. I tell them to take the piano by the horns and make it do your bidding. Too many pianists (and I haven't had a student yet who isn't) are intimidated by the piano, an inanimate object. The day I realized I'd entirely tamed the piano and, frankly, owned it, was the day I really became a musician.

I've no idea why I've listed all of this, except to record it in my journal. I've done a lot of teaching over the years and enjoy it a lot these days, even though I only take less students than I can count on one hand. I do that because I can really care about four students; any more and I start to lose my edge. I train them to be musicians, I try to instill in them a love of music, and of playing the piano. Those are my first priorities. They have to love it... And in more detail, I heavily emphasize the classics, and very rarely foray into anything pop or broadway or jazz, etc.

I get the same feeling when I play a Beethoven sonata that I get when I read Thoreau. Here lies truth; thoughtful, painstakingly crafted truth about the human condition.

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Education [07 Mar 2008|02:34pm]
"By grade 8, the average homeschool student performs four grade levels above the national average." --- Rudner, Figure 3.

I'm starting to believe this. After only a month or so, Ron is in disbelief over how much our kids have advanced. Just today, as we were coming home from our weekly Friday library trip, the other kids were just getting out of school and we'd been done for some time.

RON: I just can't believe that we're not missing something. Our kids spend so much less time doing schoolwork. We've got to be missing something!
ME: Well, we don't teach them computers, since they get that already. Or art, because they do that already, or music, because they're learning piano too. We don't do gym class, either. So there's a big chunk. But they're learning more in all the other subjects, plus Latin.

We've both agreed Daphne has jumped ahead at least a year in her reading/writing skills in one month. The other two have made marked progress, too, but Daphne's been the most extreme difference.

I have a theory about Daphne, who never did better than average in school, and that is that school was a social event for her. Now that she's home, she really thinks about learning.

I've also picked up on their idiosyncracies, in order to keep them learning when they "hit the wall", so to speak.

Abe tears up when he's hit that point, and as long as I start explaining things to him in a way he can understand, he can work through it and finds a special enjoyment out of scholarship. Ellie gets a total block when she's overwhelmed by too many variables and needs to have things broken down into small, easily digestible pieces. Daphne gets obstinate and has to be confronted with the punishment of "missing out" or not being allowed to learn to make her eager to continue. Sometimes she just needs read to a whole lot.

A few of the milestones so far:

Daphne read her first chapter book ever. Since then she's read five more.
Ellie began her first continuous chapter book series, currently being on book five.
Abe has read a simplified six-book version of The Odyssey.

Abe has enjoyed learning Latin.
Ellie has taken up Latin on her own, and Abe tutors her.

Abe and Ellie have both become fluent with writing in cursive, and Daphne's penmanship has improved drastically.

Abe is now comfortably working on a seventh-grade math level, and Ellie on a sixth-grade level.

Daphne has written several short stories, the last of which she couldn't bear to leave unedited. Also, her vocabulary, spelling, and correct speaking have all vastly improved.

In school years, Abe was in 5th grade, Ellie in 4th, and Daphne in 2nd.

So I have to sit and tell myself, "Of course they're moving along at a fast clip, they have an individual tutor every day." And I guess that's true. It just seems kind of unbelieveable, because we have to do so little actual school time, compared to public school.

Anyway, so far, I'm a convert. Besides, it's made me take a renewed interest in my own education, as I've been studying a lot of classic literature lately. I've taken a particularly keen interest in Aristotle, and will be working on that one.

Recently I've been reading Louisa May Alcott's Eight Cousins which I'm having a hard time finishing, because it's really seeming pretty pointless. Maybe I'll try to sludge my way through the rest of it. I'm not expecting any huge epiphanies, but I remember being bored to tears by Thoreau's bean talk for at least 3/4 of a chapter of Walden, only to find a huge payoff at the chapter's end. Whatever.
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Writing and Aristotle [24 Feb 2008|01:41pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I miss writing. I realized that yesterday, as Saturday was always my day to write, and I finished my novel the week before. Unfortunately, I am at a lack over what to write; not a lot is appealing to me at the moment. But the bottom line is, I thoroughly enjoyed being able to look more deeply into the characters I've created, and I suppose I miss that.

During the last week I read Aristotle's Poetics in order to hopefully pick up a few tips before I write the details of Lint's denouement. So I went through it rather quickly, and didn't feel like there was much to it, since the whole thing wasn't really a published body of work, but more like a series of rough notes Aristotle made regarding poetry, prose, and drama. Well, over the next several days, it began to seep into me, until I realized there's a lot more to it than I thought.

For one thing, the point is made that comedy is made up of "bad" men, and tragedy is made up of "good" men. During the introduction regarding the translation of Greek into English, it's noted that "bad" and "good" isn't exactly what Aristotle means in black and white. So, this slow-drip intelligence of mine eventually allowed me to realize he's entirely right.

In order to explain this, the first point has to be made that writing characters is like painting a portrait. The portrait artist doesn't paint a photographic likeness of a man, at least, not if he's any good. When drawing someone, you emphasize him, change him slightly, in order to create not a duplicate of a man, but an imitation of him.

All art is imitation. Aristotle says this is because humans thrive on imitation. I've no idea about this point, but maybe eventually I will. However, I do know this to be factual. Every medium of art isn't to represent things as they are, but to represent them as what they might be, could be, or should be.

So when "bad" men and "good" men are brought into play, the point is that the nature of comedy lends itself to embracing the foibles of man. Characters who are involved in a comedic plot must have glaring flaws, because it is these flaws that force the comedic element to work. What is wrong with them should be something that is wrong with everyone, but in them it is so obvious that it makes the audience react with laughter, or mockery, but also somewhere inside of them they embrace the characters for their flaws.

On the other hand, with tragedy, the caricature of men should be better, nobler, and higher than what we really are. Aristotle wrote that what creates tragedy is an outside influence which disrupts the lives of "good" men, and that's where the drama stems from. Because the men are "good", or imitations of us with a nobler cast, when bad things befall them the audience pities them and empathizes, being moved emotionally.

My problem is that I have created, with Lint, a cast of both "good" and "bad" men (and women). Because I oscillate between comedy and tragedy with such a huge pendulum swing it's difficult to make either very effective. I think, however, I've been more effective on the comedic front, because that's my strong suit. If that's the case, it would lead me to believe I've been a lot more effective at creating "bad" men than "good" men, since so often the comedy works, and the drama falls a little flat.

So, if a+b=c, then I need to work harder on establishing the "good" men traits in my characters to make the tragedy as effective as I want it to be.

Thanks, Aristotle.

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Good, Better, Best [05 Feb 2008|09:03pm]
Today I had to force my oldest daughter, Ellie, to make a really tough choice between ballet and figure skating. She's been doing ballet for about three years and loves it, but loves figure skating a little more. It was literally heartbreaking for her to have to give up ballet, but figure skating in her mind was a "definitely can't go".

Speaking of figure skating, it's extraordinarily expensive. We've basically cut out everything else in order to free up funds to go into our three children pursuing figure skating. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't all three of them, but they all love it. So, in fairness, they've sacrificed all other extracurricular activities in the name of figure skating, and have more or less gladly done it. Ron and I can't argue with that.

Today Abe was having a lesson with his coach and she did a few backwards cross steps, a turn, a sort of leap, and then another turn. She looked at him and said, "Now you do it." and he did it the first time. It was so awesome. Seriously. She looked at me in the stands and appeared delighted. He really seems to have a talent for it.

It helps that Ron and I both have always loved figure skating. Maybe we won't be drained dry from it.

In other news, I'm somewhat into the swing of homeschooling my kids, now. Abe says he's a lot less tired than he was in public school. Ellie likes it okay, and Daphne loves everything. They get done with their core curriculum (math, grammar, latin) by about 11am each day, so generally it isn't until after lunch we do the extras like science, history, art, music, library, and figure skating. There's so much more time in the day, and I feel like I have a lot more resources. At the same time I'm completely exhausted and for some odd reason incredibly sore. Maybe I do a lot of moving around, trying to help everyone with everything. However, I find it all very stimulating. It's way better than me sitting at home, bored, mopping the floor while the kids sit at school, bored, and taught by someone who's attention is split by thirty other kids. We're done, generally, by about 2pm each day, with brief homework after dinner.

NOT BAD.

Things would be coming up roses, if only some of the snow would melt.
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Simmering [28 Jan 2008|02:45pm]
The American public can embrace a black man running for president, and a woman running for president. However, a Mormon running for president is just far too much for Americans to allow. His numerous qualifications and upstanding life don't matter; he's Mormon.

How enlightened we are, for a country founded on religious freedom.



GRRRRRRRRRSTTTTNNNNKKKKKK.
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